The Smiths tour of Manchester

I did not move to Manchester because of The Smiths.

Well, that is what I tell people. I claim to have chosen Manchester because London was simply far too expensive. But the truth is, I did come to Manchester because of The Smiths, and what's more, I came to England because of Morrissey.

Okay, so he's not the only reason I came to the UK, but he is largely to blame for my severe case of Anglophilia (of which I hope never to be cured).

Having been here for over five months, I had seen a few of the famous Smiths sights and visited a few of the famous Smiths sites, but I had yet to do the official Smiths/Morrissey tour. And so finally, on Saturday October 15th I made my way to a record shop called Vinyl Revival (which happens to have a great selection of Smiths lps and singles, just so you know!), where I was to meet one of the Smiths/Morrissey tour guides, Craig (who happens to be the drummer for Inspiral Carpets, just so you know!).

Before we left, Craig walked me over to the Morrissey Mosaic on the north side of the giant vintage store Affleck's Palace. It was beautiful. Then we headed off. The first stop was the road sign from the back of Strangeways, Here We Come. Or rather, its replacement, as the original sign featured on the sleeve had long since been stolen by ardent Smiths fans (but really, can you blame them?). Then it was on to Strangeways itself, now called Her Majesty's Prison, Manchester, apparently an attempt to disassociate it with the riots that happened back in 1990. It is quite lovely, for a prison.

Next stop, the Salford Lads Club. A holy place. I had actually visited once before on my bicycle, but it had been closed that day. On this day, however, it was open and we were welcomed inside by an enthusiastic older gent who worked there. You could tell that his heart belonged to the place, and when he spoke about it, it was always venerably. He showed us around, and led us to a fairly modest little room, with a simple sign above the door that said "SMITHS". As we entered, 'There Is A Light That Never Goes Out' started playing. Chills! Inside it looked a bit like a gym change room (which apparently it was, at one point), but a gym change room for Smiths fanatics. The walls were plastered with Smiths photos, clippings and memorabilia, as well as photos, notes and drawings from fans. There were also pictures and weightlifting equipment from the 1950s and 1960s, when it was a room for bodybuilding, and I'm not sure if this was to add a bit of atmosphere to the room, or just because they couldn't be bothered to remove it, but I think Morrissey would have approved.

We were told that they had an event taking place at the club called 'The Big Draw'. The members of the Smiths cover band 'The OTHER Smiths' arrived and took position out front in the famous Queen Is Dead pose, so that people could draw them. I wasn't going to participate, because I am somewhat self-conscious about my (lack of) drawing skills. But then I saw the prize. It was a limited edition framed print of that very photo, signed and sent by Stephen Wright himself! We only had a short time to sketch, our subjects kept moving, and we had to use a pen, so we couldn't erase any mistakes, but I drew my damndest. The drawings were laid out and the band members judged the best one. I literally held my breath while they made their decision. I was afraid to look. Finally, they announced the winner, and I almost burst into tears when I saw that the sketch they were holding up was mine. Someone with sideburns snapped a photo of me grinning like a fool and clutching the print in my hands. I probably stared at it for a good fifteen minutes, while everyone else moved on. Craig had to come back and fetch me (I'd probably still be standing there if he hadn't).

Then it was on to (but alas, not under) the iron bridge, near where St. Mary's Secondary School once stood (it's now a housing estate). It looked nothing like I'd expected. Big metal monstrosity with bright green grating and a spiky entrance to the main walkway. So ugly it was actually kind of pretty. Someone had written graffiti on one of its sides: "UNDER THE IRON BRIDGE WE KISSED...". Nice.

Not far from here was 384 King's Road, which is, of course, the location of Morrissey's childhood home, and where twenty-odd years ago a young Johnny Maher once knocked on his door and proposed they form a band. Bless him. The house itself is quite small and plain, and does not seem to realise its significance.

We then drove on a bit further, turned a corner and stopped outside North Trafford College, where we were informed Morrissey once wrote his O Levels. Across the street was 'Duckworth House', and apparently Morrissey once worked there or something (I was probably still a bit engrossed with my photograph, as I can't quite remember if this is exactly what Phil said or not).

Heading back towards the city, our next stop was the Southern Cemetry - er, Cemetery Gates. It was very scenic, and looked particularly lovely with it being a (dreaded) sunny autumn afternoon, and there being all sorts of coloured leaves lying around. It's easy to imagine Morrissey wandering about this place.

Onwards to the Holy Name Church. As one of the other people on the tour remarked, anyone lifting lead off the roof of that thing has certainly earned it (it is very tall)! I mentioned that a friend had once noted that it is a Catholic church, and therefore would not have a vicar (although they were wrong as vicar is a generic church name for a form of priest). But I doubt the song was intended to be very historically accurate anyway, as it's even less likely that the church would have had a vicar in a tutu, Catholic or no!

Next on the tour was a visit to the Hacienda, site of the Smiths' first hometown gig as headliners. Except not. Because the Hacienda is no more, and we now instead have 'The Hacienda Apartments'. For shame. The Manchester G-MEX, however, still stands. You may remember this place from the background in a series of early Smiths promotional photos, or perhaps from the gatefold photo in Rank. The Smiths performed here at the G-MEX festival in 1986 (and apparently the acoustics were dreadful).

Finally, a visit to another well-known Manchester venue where The Smiths once performed. It's kind of fitting that the last stop on the tour was the site of The Smiths' first concert (and almost exactly twenty-three years ago to the day). The Ritz is just as classy as the name suggests, and has long outlived the band that debuted here on October 4, 1982.

Still, just up the road is the Manchester Evening News Arena, where Morrissey performed his huge homecoming / birthday concert last year, and with a new album being released in April of next year, maybe Manchester can expect to see him back home again soon. I, however, will have returned to Toronto, so he'd better plan a date there as well.