The Best Librarian There Never Was

I may as well explain, seeing as I allude to it quite often, that I'm on a librarianship course at Manchester Metropolitan University. So, once a week I get up at Stupid O'Clock to catch a train that goes 130mph (yet smells of nappies), shuttling me through the sad industrial wasteland of the Black Country, up through the gentle countryside between Stafford and Stoke, on past the stunning hillsides near Macclesfield, to Manchester.

In an attempt to Make Learning Fun, the library at MMU gives students "funky" literature to encourage them to make full use of their resources. On our first day, we were given a leaflet in acid pinks and greens covered in photos of Manchester's finest - Karl Marx... erm... Bez, Sid Little, Peter Kay and of course, Morrissey. Being librarians, however, me and my classmates are already aware of the thrilling allure of bookshelves and databases, so such tactics were lost on us.

The question is... why? Is Moz, as a well-read lyricist and son of a librarian, somehow a way to make libraries cool? But does the student population know enough about him, as

they shuffle about in their hoodies and trainers? It's not even as if Morrissey is an MMU "Old Boy" - the closest he got was a Smiths' gig at MMU's student union, which, aptly enough is opposite the library and the "Eight Day" vegetarian cafe. Then again, it was MMU which hosted the Smiths/Morrissey academic conference in 2005. I went to a lecture theatre on my first day and declared excitedly "I've seen this place before - there was a photo of it in NME!" Sadly, no one else shared my breathless thrill. Somewhere in MMU, therefore, lurk a clutch of Moz Fans. One day, I might even meet them.

Yet... if parallel universes exist, there's one where Morrissey never became a singer. Maybe Johnny Marr lost his nerve and never met his lyrical foil, leaving Moz stood forlorn behind the net curtains, nervously tugging his earlobe as Johnny sloped off to catch the bus back into town. Never to sing in a band, his lyrics now covered in flock wallpaper, Morrissey instead enlisted as a librarian, dusting the collected works of Oscar Wilde with his cardigan. At night, he curled up under his candlewick bedspread and wondered where it had all gone wrong - why he would never mime on Top of the Pops; weeping softly because MMU would never use his image on their promotional material.

Visit MMU's library website by clicking here. No pics of Moz, though, I'm afraid.

Visit the website of the Manchester Institute of Popular Culture by clicking here.

Visit Eighth Day's website by clicking here.