Morrissey's Teapot
by
Helen
You may remember the reports about Morrissey being spotted shopping in the Manchester branch of Selfridges in 2005, wearing a flat cap and old man's glasses. While the papers declared that El Mozzer had lost his sense of style and looked like Jim Bowen from
Bull's Eye, Peter Kay's favourite quiz show, it's more the case that Morrissey was in (a not very effective) disguise. Let's face it, he can hardly go parading about Piccadilly Gardens in a floral blouse, holding aloft a bouquet of daffs. Even though dear ol' Johnny Marr seems to live in the "Night and Day" (cup of Earl Grey for a mere £1.20) and "Dry Bar" (something to do with New Order, and appears in
Twenty-Four Hour Party People) on Oldham Street, on the mouch without his sunglasses....
The newspaper reported that Moz was lingering at the men's toiletries counter, and I suppose it suits journalists to emphasise this as it adds ballast to their perpetual portrayal of him as a fey eccentric. However, ludicrously priced smellies weren't the only things on Morrissey's shopping list. He went to the homeware section in Kendals -now renamed House of Fraser - a department store for the semi-detached. And what did he buy? Fluffy towels?
Pot pourri? Musical toilet roll holder? No.
He bought a red teapot with matching cups, and a cruet set.
Maybe they were a present for someone. Yet part of me - the part that groans at the increased stupidity and tastelessness of the human race - clings to the happy vision of Morrissey holding the torch for civility by slurping lapsang souchong elegantly from his smart red tea set.
